Jokes
It Starts With the Letter 'M'
A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does.
The next day in a written test, she included this question:
"My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up things. What am I?"
When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word "Mother."
They Say it's Just A Number
Three very mischievous old ladies are sitting on a park bench when they see an old man walk by. "Say, fella," the first lady says. "I bet we can guess your age."
The man pauses and looks at them skeptically. "Guess my age? that's impossible."
"C'mon, we'll show you," the second lady says. "First, we'll need to look up your nose." Embarrassed by the notion but wondering if the ladies truly knew something, the old man walks over and lifts his head, enabling them to look right up his nose.
"Okay, now stick one finger up your nose, one finger in your ear, cross your eyes and sing Danny Boy in a loud voice." the third lady says. The man then does so; the ladies muse for a few moments, before saying, "You are 87 years old."
"Why, that's incredible," the man gasps. "That's absolutely right! Tell me, how were you able to tell?" He had silently wondered how all of these seemingly random methods had enabled the ladies to find out his age.
The ladies reply, "We were at your birthday party."
Astronomically High Phone Bill
When he saw how astronomically high his latest phone bill was, the head of house called a family meeting.
“This is unacceptable,” said the father. ”You have to limit the use of the phone. I never use this phone. I always use the one in the office.”
The mother said, ”Same here. I hardly use the home phone, because I use my work phone.”
The son said, ”Me, too. I never use the home phone. I always use the company's mobile."
”So what is the problem?” asked the maid. ”We all use our work telephones.”
I'm Her Brother
At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately.
"I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother."
"Oh, she'll be surprised all right," said the woman. "But think of how surprised I am, I'm her mother!"
School teacher sends home a note with student.
The note reads, ”Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.”
Mother sends a note back the following day, ”Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem."
Employee: "Sir, what is the secret of your success?"
Manager: "Two words."
Employee: "And, Sir, what are they?"
Manager: "Right decisions."
Employee: "And how do you make right decisions?"
Manager: "One word."
Employee: "And, What is that?"
Manager: "Experience."
Employee: "And how do you get Experience?"
Manager: "Two words."
Employee: "And, Sir, what are they?"
Manager: "Wrong decisions."
Employee Motivation
The owner of a company tells his employees, “You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I'm giving everyone a cheque for Rs.50,000!”
Thrilled, the employees gather round and high-five one another.
“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I'll sign those cheques!”
Using Google Translate
The homework assignment for a Spanish class was to write a paragraph.
When the teacher returned their papers, she asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other online translator to write his paper.
He categorically denied doing so.
That led to the teacher's next question, “Then why is this in French?”
Direct Marketing
A student at a management college came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
“Customer feedback.”
Math Exam
Mom: What did you do at school today?
Son: We played a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam?
Son: That’s right.
Color the Duck
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. A little girl, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "How many times have you seen a red duck?"
The little girl replied, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
CA as a Cricketer!
Once a CA got selected in Indian Cricket Team!
He raised his bat on scoring 40 runs and again on 60 runs!
Sachin tells him “It’s not a 50 or 100″.
CA says “Tumhe kya pata, ONLY a CA can understand the importance of scoring 40 and 60!!”
Sachin shocked, CA rocked!
Justice Triumphs
A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client, who had attended the trial, was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client.
The lawyer immediately sent a message to his client, reading, "Justice has triumphed!"
The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"
Goodbye Disney
As a family was leaving Disney World, the daughter waved and said, "Goodbye Minnie!"
The son waved and said, "Goodbye Mickey!"
The father of the two kids waved and said, "Goodbye money!"
Thanks for Your Help, Judge
The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and issues his judgement. "Mr Smith, I am going to give your wife $750 a month."
Mr. Smith's replies, "That's very nice of you, judge. And every once in a while I will send her a little extra too."
